D E F is for Team
by Motsie of Atlantis
Summary: Callen closed the book on a chapter from his past, saying goodbye to one of two most prominent women that he had ever known. The other one was here too. Together they made him who and what he had become. He looked over those others around him and pondered the influence each had in his life.


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 **D E F is for Team**

Callen closed the book on a chapter from his past, saying goodbye to one of two most prominent women that he had ever known. The other one was here too. Together they made him who and what he had become. He looked over those others around him and pondered the influence each had in his life.

Written as a response for 'ABC is for family', Gina Callen's entry in the Facebook Writers Challenge, the prompt being ABC.

 **A/N:** Thanks Gina for letting me use parts of your great story for this one. I just hope I do justice to your work as I try to carry on the idea and expand the alphabet for those around our agent/hero, and thanks Sue for being more than a beta – reading, suggesting, always improving the work that I post.

 **A/N 2:** I know that I should be spending my limited time on my story 'Do Not Speak Ill of the Dead', but I read Gina's story and the plot bunnies would not leave me alone until this one was written. Perhaps now they will allow me to get back to it, and we can all find out what is happening in the life of Detective Marty Deeks

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 **901 Bar and Grill, Los Angeles, California**

Callen looked across the room to the two women standing there, quietly talking at this wake. Along with the one they had just buried, they had become the most important figures in his life because they were his family. And it was all because he was placed in the ABC school district during one of his foster home stays.

 ** **A = Alternate****

He started to do a little mental gymnastics, assigning a letter of the District with each of the women. Henrietta Lange would ultimately get the ' **A** ', not because she was the best of the three or even the first. No, the letter 'A' would ultimately be hers because it stood for 'alternate'. Hetty had become his alternate mother in those turbulent teenage years, giving him the home that he so desperately needed. She still acted in that capacity for him, even though he had been an adult for quite a while.

 ** **B = Benefactor****

The next woman would be the one they buried that day, the guest of honor at this wake, where they were celebrating her life, Alice Dalton. She was Callen's 'benefactor', that's why she received the letter ' **B** '. When they first met, she could have treated him like trailer trash, just like most of the other students were sure to regard him. From her he was schooled in knowledge of books and respect, His very first piece of birthday cake she served to him in her office when he turned fifteen. She had helped him out in so many ways, even when most of her things had been locked away in a storage locker by her vindictive husband.

Callen was caught breaking into that storage locker and taking the photo albums of Alice and her family. He planned to give them to the Vice Principal to repay her in a very small way for her kindness. Her ex-husband Paul wanted him arrested for theft and locked up. Everyone else agreed with him, thinking the teen was incorrigible, and not worth any more of their time. Mrs. D was the only one who spoke in his defense. Callen was locked away, forgotten by everyone. Except Mrs. D. She sent him a letter telling him how sorry she was for him getting into trouble because over her photo albums.

The teen found that the detention center was as secure in holding him as much as any of the foster homes. He needed to talk with her and ask her forgiveness for thinking that she had blamed him. Another example of self-respect that she was trying to teach him. The boy had never stolen anything in his life. He did admit to taking things that he should have had, or that he would repay, at some future date, when he was able. He stole a car so that he could find Mrs. D to explain everything to her, and thank her for her faith in him. But he never made it. The stolen car ended up wrapped around a pole. The police had him in custody again. Henrietta Lange intervened and took him into her home.

With all that was transpiring in his life, Callen lost track of the debt he owed to Mrs. D. Two months ago, the agent received a letter stating that she was in the hospital, in a lethal battle with cancer. He had to go and see her one last time, to let her know how the trust she placed in him had turned out.

 **C = Child**

Callen drove to the address that was listed on the letter. When he asked for Alice Dalton's room at the reception desk, he met the woman to whom he ascribed the letter ' **C** ' for 'child'. She was Vikki, Alice's child, Victoria Dalton. This was the one who wrote the letter prompting his visit. Callen had met the young woman, after a fashion, over thirty years ago. One of the final attempt to save their marriage resulted in Alice becoming pregnant as a parting gift from Paul. When the teenage boy was enrolled in Cerritos High School, Alice was three months pregnant with her daughter.

Life for Vikki was hard as she was growing up. He father had left them high and dry, never contributing anything for her support. Alice had to drop the position of assistant principal. After she used up all her maternity leave, there was little that she could do to make sure Vikki was cared for during the day when she was at work. They basically lived a hand to mouth existence on Alice's salary as a substitute. Then, when Vikki was three and had successfully finished her potty training, Alice found a group of teenage girls who were trying to acquire their GEDs. She bartered her tutoring skills in the evening for their babysitting during the day.

Vikki prospered throughout her days in school. Her mother made sure that she was always challenged, giving her the help she needed and additional assignments when the work seemed too easy for her. The young woman excelled in all of her classes, graduating second in her high school class. She earned enough scholarships and qualified for several grants to enable her to attend UCLA, earning a bachelor of science in nursing. Vikki thought that this profession would enable her to provide financially for her and her mother, and enable her to see Alice through the tough days of dealing with her chemotherapy.

Throughout her life, the only contact she had with her father Paul was listening to her mother plead with him over the phone. Alice constantly begged him for a divorce since he didn't want to pay any child support. The malicious man always refused and told them that he would make it as expensive as possible should she ever try to secure one on her own. Besides, they never had any disposable income to waste on a lawyer when there were bills like food, rent, and schooling to pay.

The lack of a suitable father figure in her youth clouded Vikki's choices of dates. Throughout high school, she was much more interested in her academics than any extra-curricular activities. She had three dates during her four years of schooling. The boy that asked her to the senior prom was turned down by eight other girls before she had pity on him and accepted his invitation. His curfew was a half hour earlier than hers, so she had no concerns about him. They joined the grand march, danced a couple of times, ate some cake and drank some punch, and then went home. He didn't even try to kiss her when he dropped her off at home. She didn't know if she was more happy or disappointed in the way the results of the evening activities developed.

College was much the same way for her. There were many guys who seemed interested in her, but most of them for the wrong reason. Most of them just wanted a quick score with her, and then move on to other conquests. Vikki did have one relationship in college that lasted almost seven months. But the longer she stayed with him, the more verbally abusive he became, and she finally realized that he was a carbon copy of her father.

It wasn't that she hated or even disliked men. She did have a couple of sexual encounters, but they never lasted long. Vikki just couldn't see any future in marriage, after living through the hell that her parents experienced. After graduation, she was quite content to live with her mother, working just enough to pay the bills, and caring for her mother as she battled several rounds with cancer.

Knowing that her mother was not going to last long, Vikki was surprised when her mother asked her to find a Mr. G. Callen one more time. She sent off a third letter to the man in care of the Child and Family Services of California. The young woman was even more surprised when he showed up one day. As the man and her mother caught each other up on their history over the last thirty years, Vikki sensed a relief coming over her mother. The need for holding on to finish an incomplete task seemed to have vanished. She sat and listened in awe at their reminiscing.

On days when he came and her mother was not feeling well or sleeping, the two of them went off to the little outside garden area and talked about everything and nothing. The two of them had grown quite close because of her mother. Since Hetty had promised to take care of all of Alice's medical expenses, Vikki could get by with working fewer hours, choosing to spend them with her mother. Callen admired her devotion. Of course, he would expect nothing less from the daughter of someone as honorable as Alice.

A, B, C, the first three letters of the alphabet gone. Could Callen continue to use these letters to describe the people around him?

 ** **D = Dependable****

Callen's partner, Sam Hanna, came over to the bar to check up on him. "You okay, G?" he asked, wondering how emotionally tied the younger man was to the woman they were celebrating and her daughter.

"I'm good, Sam," he told him. Callen could always depend on Sam to have his back, no matter what the situation. That is why he would assign the letter ' **D** ' to the big man for being so 'dependable'. The big guy had been his partner for eight years now, a lifetime considering the job they were doing. And in all that time, on all the missions that they went on together, there was not a single time that the younger agent could think of that his partner was not there for him. Even when Callen went 'off the reservation', for the sake of something that was just too personal for him to involve the other members of his team due to the possibility of them being hurt, he could always depend on Sam to try to find him to be there to help.

Sam was a SEAL, and anyone who would suggest that he was a former SEAL would usually find himself lifted up by the collar with one hand and held against a wall. That was so Sam was sure to be eye to eye with the person when he told him, "The only former SEALs are the ones who have completed their last mission, in service or as civilians and are resting forever from their service to this country."

And should the person compound his ignorance and desire to goad the big man by asking, "What about those few SEALs that went rogue?"

Sam would reply with a voice that was colder than liquid nitrogen, "They were not SEALs. They were traitors."

You could depend on him to defend the honor of the SEALs as fiercely as he would protect his partner.

Callen remembered when he first was assigned to the Office of Special Projects back in 2007 under Lara Macey. He had always operated alone because there was no one he could trust the way he did when he was part of Gibbs' team in Washington. Callen was literally forced to take on a partner. He didn't want one, but he got a SEAL, Sam Hanna. The veteran agent tried to shut him out as much as possible. Sam didn't try to force the issue. He just was there, with his constant pressure that got on Callen's nerves until the younger man finally gave in. Callen could still depend on the big guy to deal with him in that way.

That dependable, constant pressure was necessary two years after they first were joined at the hip as partners. Sam had just dropped Callen off near the rooming house where he was living for that week. Before he could drive away, Sam saw the drive-by assassination attempt on the young agent's life. Rushing to cradle his partner to him, Sam watched in horror as Callen's heart tried to pump out his lifeblood through the five holes in his chest. It was only because of his partner's quick response and big hand exerting the dependable constant pressure against those wounds that G. Callen was still alive today.

Sam saw the emotional wounds of both Vikki and Callen get ripped open earlier that afternoon after Alice's body was lowered into the grave. Paul took offense that his daughter would not want him to console her, drawing closer to Callen for his protection. Paul recognized him as the adult version of the teen that had broken into his storage locker. A verbal altercation started between the two of them, Callen defending the decisions of the young woman and the memory of her mother, and Paul calling him a thief who did time.

If the rest of the team was surprised at Paul's accusations, they never said a word. They all just moved to back up their leader. Sam would have been the first to physically remove Paul from the scene, but he saw that Hetty had stepped over and deferred to her. Her quiet words cut right through his rants about Callen being a two-bit hood and a junkie that was too poor to afford a lawyer.

"Mr. Dalton," she said, "I suggest you walk away and leave your daughter and the family in peace to grieve before we have you arrested."

At the slight nod of her head, Sam looked at Deeks and the two of them led Paul out of the cemetery. On the way back, the detective branded all of Paul's accusations as lies. He couldn't believe that Callen was ever behind bars unless he was undercover.

Sam knew about it because Callen had explained all of it to him not too long ago. But the big guy had promised to keep his partner's secrets, and Callen depended on him to keep his word. The bigger thing that he had on his mind right now about his partner was curiosity. Hetty had linked the senior agent with Vikki, calling him 'family'. He was going to have to find out exactly what she meant by that. And he would get to the bottom of it. You could depend on that.

 ** **E = Expert****

Walking back toward the table, Callen's eyes fell on Kensi Blye, the lone female on their team. It was hard to think of the stunning woman as federal agent attached to an elite team that mostly didn't seem to exist, the Office of Special Projects. What was even harder to believe is that Kensi was the most skilled in many aspects that played directly in their work. That was why Callen felt confident in awarding her the letter ' **E** ' because, in many cases, she was the team 'Expert'. This was the team that Hetty sometimes referred to with the statement, "We do the jobs that are 'different', the ones other groups don't want to or cannot do, and we get them done, successfully."

There might be some people who may have walked near the bullpen when the three male members were teasing Kensi about her cooking skills and her terrible sweet tooth. They would have sworn that the only thing that Kensi was an expert in was donuts and Twinkies. That's what they talked about with her all the time.

Callen knew better. Kensi was their weapons expert. There was not a single type of firearm that she was not acquainted with, or proficient in using. Her ability with a sniper rifle made her the designated the eye in the sky for the group. She would work her way to a high point and, using her mismatched eye looking through the scope, take out any opposing marksmen, snipers or sentries from there or just laying down suppressing fire. Quite often, her silenced shots would be the way in for the rest of the team. A couple of times, instead of delivering a kill shot, she aimed for the opposing sniper's weapon, smashing it or his hand that he could be captured and interrogated.

Her sniper training came from one of the best instructors she could ever have, her father, Marine Master Gunnery Sergeant, Donald Blye. Donald had been ordered from embassy guard duty in Paris to Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune, North Carolina for scout sniper training. Kensi's mother refused to go along with him and divorced him, telling him to take his daughter along with him. He did, and as a single parent taught her everything a father would teach his son. This included his skills as a sniper. She learned these skills eagerly, trying to show her father how much she loved him.

Donald was ordered to help set up the scout sniper training course at MCB Hawaii at Kaneohe Bay. Kensi moved with him but didn't realize that he was really part of a black ops unit named 'Oscar-Sierra'. The young woman was devastated when she was only fifteen years old and her father died in a supposed auto accident. Only years later was she able to prove that Peter Clairmont killed her dad, along with other members this group.

But marksmanship was not the only thing that Donald taught his daughter. From him, she also learned to track, fix an engine, read Morse code, play poker, wire a house, and pick a lock. She mastered them all, trying to prove herself to be the son her father always wanted. She could track a squirrel through a woods and a suspect through the streets of downtown Los Angeles. Hot wiring any type of motor vehicle became second nature to her. Kensi never needed money when she was in college because she could always play the role of 'cute coed' as she raked in her winnings at on campus poker games. Her lock picking skills were so good that when she attended the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center in Glynco, Georgia and took that course, they wanted her to remain and become an instructor.

Kensi would have loved to have the same type of relationship with her mother, Julia, but throughout most of her life, the older woman had no place in her heart for her daughter. She had hired girls from the poorer villages of Portugal and France to act as nannies for her child, and they taught her Kensi Portuguese and French in addition to her native English. As soon as her daughter was old enough, she was sent to International Boarding School, where she was taught the social graces as well as the regular educational program.

Kensi was also fluent in Spanish and Russian, but her Japanese was a bit rusty since she learned it while she was out in Hawaii for college and to investigate her father's murder. The young woman received a Bachelor of Science in Criminology and Criminal Justice, with Minors in Forensics and Asian Studies from Chaminade University. Because of this, she usually took the lead for the team whenever they had to study a crime scene out in the field.

As an NCIS Special Agent, Kensi is capable of holding her own in battle. She was enough of an expert in hand to hand combat that she could win half the time when she sparred with Callen. With Sam, her success rate was not as good, but that was only because of his size and weight. When she was out in the field, she could easily fight back if provoked, and was also able to non-lethally incapacitate most of her opponents.

Callen didn't know if it was from her year of living on the streets of Los Angeles after her father was buried, or if it went back even further, to some possible skills that Donald taught his daughter from his days as part of the 'Oscar-Sierra' group, but she was highly trained in undercover work. She might never be as easy in another person's identity as Deeks or Callen himself, but everyone would agree that she was a natural-born operative.

On a sadder note, she was also the team expert in PTSD. In 2005 Kensi met a young marine named Jack Simon. They started dating and Kensi waited for him until his latest deployment to Afghanistan was over. When he returned, Jack had changed. He had started to experience some bouts of amnesia and minor panic attacks. When he was with Kensi these problems seemed to lessen, but she continued to worry about him. After a week together, both of them seemed to go back to a state of normality. It was then that Jack dropped the bombshell on Kensi. The following week he was going to leave for a third tour in Afghanistan. When Kensi heard this, she cried, she screamed at him, she cursed him out, she beat on his chest with her fists, she did everything that she could possibly think of to get him to stay, even though she knew it was impossible.

Eight more months of waiting with letters, phone calls, and Skype her only lifelines with Jack. Her heart was not in her work, it was half a world away. When he finally came home, Jack's body came walking off the plane, but she could see by the hollow stare of his eyes that his mind was somewhere else. Jack had full blown PTSD. But Kensi stuck with him all the way through. She found out everything she could to help Jack with his meds and therapy. And it seemed like it was working. Jack had fewer panic attacks. His grasp of reality was getting better and better. Finally, he even asked her to marry him, and she answered, 'Yes". He seemed as happy as she was.

But Jack slowly seemed to revert back to his old self. It was Christmas morning. Kensi rolled over in bed and found a cold empty space where Jack's warm body should have been. She went back to the bedroom, and then she saw the envelope with her name on it. It was a note telling her he was leaving. When she read his note again, Kensi knew he was gone, forever.

She tried to go on, but there were just too many reminders of her life in Hawaii with Jack. She moved back to Los Angeles where she received a cryptic phone call from a Henrietta Lange, who offered her a job with NCIS. Kensi agreed, and the rest is history.

The one thing that Callen refused to admit to was Kensi's expert skill in driving. Every time the senior agent rode with her, he got carsick and swore that he would never ride with the crazy woman again. They once were on a case and needed to borrow Hetty's vintage Shelby Cobra. Both Callen and Sam argued over who was going to drive it. Hetty denied both of them the pleasure, When Kensi and Deeks arrived at the track, with the Cobra in a trailer, Kensi was forced to drive it around the track to keep their undercover identities. Everyone thought Hetty would have her head on a pole for what she did. Sam went so far as to threaten to blackmail her about it. Then Hetty appeared and complimented her on her masterful driving since she drove the car the way it was meant to be driven. Callen just shook his head and wondered if the old lady was beginning to lose it if she approved of the way Kensi drove.

But the more that Callen worked with Kensi the more concern he had about her. It was true. 'Badass Blye' could hold her own in a man's world. But the more 'expert' she became in things like this, the more she tried to prove that she was the son her father never had, the equal of any male agent in NCIS, the one who could hold her emotions in check no matter what the world or any enemy might heap upon her, the more her feminine side seemed to shrink. More and more she was becoming one of the boys.

Callen had to admit that the woman was still 'drop dead gorgeous'. She had that natural beauty that really needed no augmentation of make-up. But very seldom would you see her dressed up, although she filled out a little black dress just as well as any model that walked the Victoria Secret's runway. Her normal working uniform with the team was a pair of jeans and a tank top with her favorite long sleeve, flannel plaid shirt over it. Even when she needed to dress up for an undercover operation, she felt uncomfortable, that she couldn't properly do her job. Running in heels was damn near impossible. The tight skirts kept her from taking a full stride. And the worst part about it was that the fabrics that made up the dresses and skirts were not as durable as denim, and Kensi usually had to reimburse Hetty for any damage done in the performance of her duties.

Callen chuckled to himself as he thought of 'the thing' that Kensi had with Deeks. He knew that Hetty had warned the two junior team members about any personal displays of affection between the two of them while on duty. Hetty did not have to worry. Callen knew that Kensi would die of embarrassment if she were ever caught kissing or even hugging Deeks. But she engaged in PDAs each and every day with her partner. Whether Kensi was appalled at something Deeks had said or done to her, or she thought that his words or actions were simply charming, Deeks could expect her fist impacting his shoulder. Kensi even did this in front of Hetty, proving how expert she had become at disguising her PDAs.

Yet the more he thought about Kensi, the more he was concerned that she would also become an expert at living alone. If she continued on what appeared to be her present course in her relationship with Deeks, the two steps forward and three steps back, she was going to drive him away just as she had done all others. The detective would come to the realization that what Kensi had meant as PDAs was nothing more than sexual harassment. He had asked her to stop, and for a short time she did. But then she started up again. Didn't she see that you don't hurt the ones you say you love, at least not intentionally like that.

If Deeks would ever come to his senses he might realize that it still could be years down the road before Kensi might open up her heart to him. She had to stop trying to be an expert in everything that she might do, or he might just turn his back on her. The least that they should do is sit down and talk to each other about what their hopes for the future might be. But Callen also knew that the biggest thing that Kensi was not an expert in was communication, especially with her partner, Detective Marty Deeks.

 ** **F = Flawed****

Looking over at the young, blond-haired man, Callen tried to think of the best 'F' word to describe him. Surely fierce, fearless, faithful, feral, fabulous and foxy, the last two at least in Deeks' own mind, would all describe a part of the young man. But the best word that he could think of for the letter ' **F** ' to describe the detective was 'Flawed'.

Detective Marty Deeks could have had it all. He was young. He was ambitious. He was intelligent. All of these were stellar qualities that easily showed themselves in the man. But the shaggy-haired detective never seemed to fit in, no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried. The man was like an imperfect mounted gem, sparkling and radiant, showing off all of its beauty, yet containing a crack, a breach, a tiny fault, that mars its perfection, deep inside.

The team leader had read all of the statistical information that hadn't been classified or redacted in the detective's NCIS files. He also had access to much of Deek's service record at the LAPD, thanks to Eric's hacking into their system. The team had seen the detective in his uniform only once, when they joined the young man at LAX to see him take the body of his partner, Jess Traynor, back to Chicago for burial. Sam couldn't believe all the ribbons on his chest to indicate the commendations and awards the young man had won. When he asked Eric to investigate this part of Deeks' life, the tech showed the two senior agents the report he came up with. Each and every one of them was legitimate, much to the amazement of the rest of the team.

For years, Deeks had been doing much of the same thing at LAPD that he was now doing at NCIS. The thing that really surprised Callen was that Deeks did it all on his own as a cop. He had no techs, speaking in his ear, telling him what he could expect in the next few minutes. There was no team to provide backup for him, giving him the security of not having to look over his shoulder every second, or being able to pull his ass out of danger when he bit off a little more than he expected. He was always on his own and relied on his knowledge of being able to read people and then spin a story that sounds so plausible that the only one who didn't believe it, was the one who was fabricating it. Deek's undercover work, especially when he put on 'Artie' the homeless man's jacket that he kept in the freezer so it didn't lose its 'authentic' smell, was even better than Callen, who was considered a legend at it at NCIS, CIA, and the other government agencies he had worked for. But just don't ask Callen to admit it to anyone who might get the word back to Deeks, after all, Callen had an image to maintain.

Yet, no matter how good he proved himself to the hierarchy at LAPD Headquarters, the other detectives at South Bureau where he worked, all seemed to hate him. Callen couldn't tell if the other detectives were jealous of the better results that Deeks always seemed to achieve. Of course, the agent knew the reason for it. Deeks was just willing to put more of himself into his job. The young detective refused to go anything in a half-hearted manner, and that seemed to deepen the fissure between him and the older detectives, some of whom were willing to just put in their time until they could enjoy their retirement. They refused to work with him because he made them work. Instead, they sat around and complained about his attitude, his work ethic, and moral determination.

Most detectives got partnered up early and kept the same partner until death or retirement claimed them. For most of them, the partnership was as strong, and sometimes even stronger, than a marriage. To them, it was always, 'my partner, right or wrong'. They would lie for their partner, especially to a wife to cover for them, turn their back when their partner was encouraging a suspect to confess with a couple knuckle sandwiches, or take a few favors to look the other way when something shady was going down.

Deeks didn't mind a little bit of dishonesty once or twice for a partner, but he would never perjure himself. He wasn't adverse to looking the other way to a little rough handling of a suspect as they were trying to bring them in but drew the line after they were cuffed and helpless. Where the detective did draw the line was with any 'dirty' cop. He considered them a disgrace to the uniform and wanted them totally eliminated. He had already reported a couple of his fellow detectives to Internal Affairs. Because he did that, the rest of the officers in South Bureau considered him a 'stool pigeon', a 'Judas', one who would double cross his brothers at the drop of a hat. They could not understand where the defect in his character came from that would not let him back a partner in anything and everything. To them, he was definitely a flawed detective. His only explanation was "You know how it is with undercover cops. I've pissed off more than my fair share of shields."

The strangest thing is that Deeks didn't have to become a cop. Callen knew that the young man had studied law at UCLA and graduated in the top ten in his class. He took the bar exam and passed it on his first try, and immediately went to work for the Public Defender's office in Los Angeles. Perhaps, because he was a lawyer, he paid closer attention to what it took to put a suspect away and kept working until he had all of that evidence.

Once, when Callen went with the detective to get a search warrant from Judge Faustina Suarez, the woman recognized the younger man.

"Detective, I seem to remember you in my courtroom. Am I correct?" she asked.

"Yes, ma'am. I worked for a few years as a court-appointed public defender," he admitted.

"I seem also to remember that you laid out quite a case to prove your point," she said. "Wait a minute. Marty...No. Martin...I forget the middle initial...Deeks. I remember now. The book on you among the trial judges was that all your cases were thoroughly researched and well developed. You had a string of victories that was quite impressive. So you're a detective now? Why did you turn your back on the law?"

"I didn't really. I still keep my license current. But I just wanted to make more of a difference in people's lives, before they had to deal with lawyers and the courts."

Judge Suarez just shook her head. "It may make sense to you, but I find no legal soundness in that argument. You were able to help a lot of people in the courtroom, and it certainly must have been a less dangerous place for you,"

"That's just it ma'am. It's not about my safety, but rather the safety of those I have vowed to protect."

Callen didn't know whether to believe the answer that Deeks gave everyone, of just wanting to help people out more as a cop than a lawyer or attribute it a mental defect where he could just not make up his mind. The agent tended to discount the answer given to him and go more with the indecisiveness. Callen saw it in other areas of the young man's life. It wasn't in any of his abilities to do the job, it was in the inability of deciding which job it was that he really wanted to do. He certainly made it quite obvious that he preferred working with the team at OSP rather than working under Lieutenant Bates at LAPD. Callen knew for a fact that Hetty had a file for the detective that contained a resignation letter for the LAPD and an application for NCIS. All the paperwork had been filled out. The only thing missing was Deeks' signature and the date. He had been given this file over a year ago, and it still remained in his desk, unsigned. Whenever anyone asked him why he just didn't become an agent, he told them that he enjoyed being a cop. That was one answer Callen did not buy, but no matter how often he asked, that was the only answer he got.

What Callen did know was that Deeks had spent some time in the system, just like he did. Callen never knew his father, like Deeks did. But then again, Callen never tried to kill his father either. When he was 11, Deeks watched his dad beat his mother to a pulp, drag his sister out of her room and rape and kill her right in front of him, then go for a shotgun to try and put an end to his son's life. The boy's best friend had given him a gun to protect himself. Deeks used it to keep his father from killing him, wounding him in the shoulder. He only wounded him, but the sound of police sirens caused him to run away. It was two days later before they found him and started his relationship with the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services.

Deeks had never told Callen about this. The senior agent had guessed from a look in the detective's eye while they were on a case involving a custody battle of a child. Callen then went to the newspaper archives and found the story. He also learned that the detective had changed his last name from Brandel to that of his adoptive parents, Michael and Janet Deeks, Callen almost laughed when he discovered all of this. He wondered who their operational psychologist, Dr. Nate Getz, would consider more screwed up emotionally him or Deeks. If he had to put any money on it, he would consider it a close tie.

Callen knew that his emotional flaws prevented him from establishing deep and lasting relationships, and he would imagine that Deeks had to be the same way. The senior agent had no direct knowledge if the detective had a personal relationship with his LAPD partner, Jess Traynor, before she was murdered. He suspected that he did, but he couldn't prove it. Certainly the young man didn't seem to be getting involved with anyone. And it wasn't because he did not have options. The detective was an accomplished surfer. He could have his pick of the thousands of beach bunnies that lined the shores of the surf areas up and down the coastline of California. His blond hair, handsome face, and toned body were like a magnet to draw the women to him. But he always returned home from his surfing adventures the same way that he left for them – alone. If the man was still in love with a dream, a woman taken from him for whom he was trying to find a replacement, Callen could easily understand how people could see that as a type of mental imperfection.

But Callen had already lived through this type of mental flaw with another one of his coworkers. Leroy Jethro Gibbs had his wife and daughter murdered while he was deployed in Iraq. Even though the now chief agent of the MCRT in the NCIS Washington bureau had personally hunted down his wife's killer and permanently eliminated him, it did not bring Shannon and Kelly back to him. Gibbs married three more times, each of them a redhead, each with characteristics of Shannon. But none of them could replace her, and when Gibbs realized it, each one of the marriages ended in divorce.

Either Deeks was still mourning the death of Jess Traynor, or he already realized that she could never be replaced. Day in and day out, the detective was partnered with Kensi Blye, an agent who was a knockout. Deeks verbally hit on her almost constantly, but never followed it up with any action. Everyone talked about 'the thing' that Deeks and Kensi had, even though there really was no 'thing' between them. It was just a way that both of them could put up a show of being reasonably normal, even though their flawed personalities keep pushing the other one away. Even though Deeks seemed so happy go lucky, turning everything that he could into a joke, Callen could not see a happy ending for a Kensi Deeks relationship.

There was just so much that Callen did not know about the detective, that he feared he would never learn. The files that Hetty gave him would only tell him so much. The files that Eric hacked at LAPD did not tell him much more. The man was very secretive, almost as if he were hiding something. Every member of the team had their secrets, but Deeks seemed to have more than the others put together. Callen would watch him close, and wait patiently to find out if he would want to share any of those secrets with him. He wouldn't push Deeks for answers, but he sure hoped that somehow, they would be resolved by the young man. If not, Callen really feared that the LAPD Internal Affairs investigation that had been activated against him might truly find the flaw so deep within him, and shatter him completely.


End file.
